Avin a larf

[karl724223]

My son is having trouble with English at school
The trouble is nobody speaks it in his class

[karl724223]

West Midlands police have found £12 million worth of drugs   22 ak47 assult rifles  and 300 hand grenades at a home behind the job centre in Tipton
Residents are shocked as they didn't know they had a job centre

[windy miller]

 There are three types of sex.. Homosexual between consenting males...Heterosexual between the opposite sex..and Metrosexual when I manage to hide my erection on the bus with a free newspaper......  :o

[BusFan94]

The once I had dumb plank come to fix my boiler.
He nicked    all the Copper Piping and did a runner
He didn't get very far as he  stuck out like a Saw  thumb being the only passenger on the Arriva  310 service

The next day The same Dumb Plank comes back around to my house to fix my Washing Machine He says It doesn't spin right round. I said No but that Attractive Girl over there can spin around with me any day

[MW]

The once I had dumb plank come to fix my boiler.
He nicked    all the Copper Piping and did a runner
He didn't get very far as he  stuck out like a Saw  thumb being the only passenger on the Arriva  310 service

The next day The same Dumb Plank comes back around to my house to fix my Washing Machine He says It doesn't spin right round. I said No but that Attractive Girl over there can spin around with me any day

Are you the plank?

[GeminiFan1991]

I've just upgraded to Sky HD.
I'm impressed.
The phrase "No satellite signal is being received" has never been so colourful and clear. 

[Dom]

Are you the plank?

You forgot the ' dumb' part ;)

[windy miller]

 The bloke who sold me my double glazing six months ago came round wanting to know why
he hadn't been paid?.. I said " you told me the system was so good it would pay for itself in six months!... >:( lying twat,,  >:(

[windy miller]

 M/t

[windy miller]

 Elizabeth Taylor was once asked if she had considered any other possible marriage suitors before marrying  Richard Burton for the second time.... "Well' she replied, there were several... George Best... Lester Piggott...and Father Christmas!! when asked to explain her reason for rejection she said... "One is a constant dribbler, Another has 5 rides a day already and the last one only comes once a year!.. and That's down the chimney"!!! >:( :)

[windy miller]

 I see Rolf Harris has been released recently... He was snapped with paint on his trousers..
I expect he'd been touching-up again.. :o....... Keeping his hand in so to speak. When I heard he Did two little boys back in the 70's I thought it was a song?........ >:( :)

[Roy]

Jeremy Corbyn has caused consternation on antisocial media since he announced at Glastonbury that he intended to scrap Trident.  One irate poster replied - "It better not be 4194".

[windy miller]

 ...treated my sister to a night out at my local poultry farm.......it wasn't the Hen party she was hoping for but saved a few quid... :)

[windy miller]

As a female tennis player once said.." I don't think I can win the New York open but I'll have a stab at it....... :o

[windy miller]

My Mrs Phoned me to say she thought she had got water in the carburettor... :o    I said its a bit unlikely... where is the car?....She said...err.... In the River... >:( >:( >:(