Avin a larf

[windy miller]

  These top London hotels are a bit pricey.... I was quoted a fixed price for the room but all
   other facilities.. Sauna...Showers...Bath... Gym.. Jacuzzi... Hairdresser etc., were all charged independently.." would sir like a bath or a shower?. the Clerk asked. As my funds were limited I said. "what's the difference? The clerk replied. "You sit down in a Bath.
....I will call him an ambulance next time....(twat)

[windy miller]

  I had a job in a circus years ago... I didn't have an act.. I was the only c*nt who knew how to get the tent in the bag...I did try work as a human cannonball... only £5 a week ..plus a little mileage.... :)

[windy miller]

 I got food poisoning the other day...   Its in a bottle...I'm going to give it to my Mrs
  on Sunday when she's not looking.... 8)

[windy miller]

  The young Boots assistant assured me that Viagra was now available without a prescription.
   " Can I get it over the counter? I asked..."Maybe",. She replied.."it depends how many
     you take"......... ;)

[windy miller]

 There was a right scruffy bastard sitting on a bench in st Pauls churchyard yesterday... Greasy hair. Unwashed... Filthy trousers..as I walked past him he was singing to himself..
   ♫..Let metellya wot I wanna say♫. You're the only one ♪...♪..My kinda lady ♫.♫..etc..
    I said to him.. " That's  Supertramp"... He said " good of you to say so... thanks a lot.. ???
   

[windy miller]

    As the late Bernard Manning once said: Personally, I have no objection to migrants
   from the EU. Unfortunately there are many non EU migrants who actually think they
   are English because they were born Here??..........
    ..On that basis, if a Dog is born in a Stable its a F***in Horse?..... ;D
     
     R.I.P Bernard

[windy miller]

  My Neighbour said she has so much iron in her blood these days she is currently selling her
   sanitary towels to taroni's....  :o

[windy miller]

  My Menopausal (ex) Mrs became such an ugly git she had been spending my
   alimony on beauty treatments every week for the past 4 years. I'm guessing there
   has been a sign of improvement ,as the Salon finally allowed her to leave by the front door
   last week.......... :o :o 

[windy miller]

   I see Theresa May has decided to continue in office as She heard she was being asked to 'keep going'.... unfortunately she appears to have missed the first TWO elements of the
  message..... 1.... Pack your bags..... 2 F*ck off.. 3 Keep Going........ :) :)

[windy miller]

.....That's the last time I fix a date with the eye specialist in my local Specsavers...
   a right pain between the sheets!..."is it better like this?...Or like this?....or...or ...          F*kin Nightmare... >:(

[windy miller]

      Recovering from a minor op recently my peaceful afternoon was disturbed by a very painful cry from behind a nearby curtain,
      followed by a cloud of steam..  The staff nurse quickly issued an admonishment to her Junior.....No! she explained...
      I said  " Prick that mans Boil..!.."...... >:( >:( >:(
 

[windy miller]

   With my Mrs having  aunt Irma ;) visiting over Christmas...   I  treated the grandchildren to Disney Paris for a couple of days
  ...The kids enjoyed their rides but the only decent ride I had was a cracking blonde selling toffee apples.....mmmm

[windy miller]

...During my recent conversation with a Glaswegian football supporter, often referred to as the 'life and soul'
  of a fight in his local wetherspoons  car park. :o..he told me that at least one set of fans were more considerate than the other. Naturally I asked for an explanation. .'Don't get me wrong'! he replied, if you have an argument with
either set of 'old firm' supporters we will still kick the shit out of you....but at least us Celtic fans will give you directions to the nearest Hospital afterwards...........mmm    nice  :-\

[windy miller]

Way back in the early 1950's an elderly blind man boarded a compartment train to Grimsby where he sat
opposite a young girl. After a short while the girl asked the old man if he knew where he was on the journey.
'Easy!..said the blind man...'I have a sensitive nose and I can smell the air!. True enough, as the train passed through Burton on Trent he was able to determine the unmistakable smell of the Breweries. Again, as the train passed through south Lincolnshire he could smell the fragrance of fresh cut flowers near spalding.
At this point the young girl decided to play a trick on the old man. Lifting her skirt and presenting her muff under
his nose...'AH!..said the blind man sniffing enthusiastically,'...Grimsby!...so soon!..this is where I get off!.!  :)


PS.  As my Mrs will happily testify...It will stink in Heaven,
                                                    It will stink in Hell,
                                                    You'll never get shut
                                                    of that 'Fishy' smell !!   ;)

[windy miller]

  I know some of you may think my jokes are a pain  but not as painful as my 4 fractured ribs
after a fall recently!...(recovery time 6-8 weeks) there is no medical support other than numerous
pain killers.. >:(. A big thanks to the staff on ward 21 at Good Hope  for their kindness and hospitality. I noted that a number of Hospital staff are now able to speak several languages?...
when I was offered a "short back and sides and a little off the top"....a nurse informed me
  that she only speaks airDU......... :o   oooooh                  :o :o