Avin a larf

[the trainbasher]

I took my wife to work for the first time last week.
"Why have you stopped here?" she asked, as I pulled up by the side of the road.
"It's the nearest I can get." I replied.
"How? The road is clear and you can park right outside."
"Sarah I have designated stops so please just get out the  bus." I said.

[the trainbasher]

North Korea Vs South Korea... It's kinda like a serious takeshi's castle!

[the trainbasher]

America have told the North Korean's they're prepared for any attack. The British have told America they will stand by them & the French have surrendered.

[the trainbasher]

Don't worry about the rising tensions in North Korea, we've sent the B52s over.  They'll soon surrender once they've had to listen to Love Shack a few times.

[the trainbasher]

It's supposed to be a kept quiet, but I'll tell you a secret website I found which predicts the Eurovision results for each country...  ...Google Maps

[nx4737]

Thatcher's been in Hell for 20 minutes and already shut 3 furnaces

[Trident 4609]

Why are they even Considering a state funeral for Margaret Thatcher? Surley it should be Privatised :)

[Trident 4609]

Welcome to the Islamic Awards for acting, or as i call them the MOSQUERS

[nitromatt1]

Nathan. What happened to 'no more bad jokes'? ;)

[nitromatt1]

Nathan. What happened to 'no more bad jokes'? ;)

Wouldn't consider it a bad Joke, Just in bad taste ;D

Don't repeat that one on the 59 :)

[windy miller]

When I was a teenager I often suffered from painfull piles. :'(...As I was too embarrassed to see a GP, I asked my grandmother for advice. She said that putting two teaspoons of used Tealeaves in my butt hole every night might help. After 10 days with a butt full of tealeaves and no improvement She suggested a visit to her local Romany friend who may be able to help me..On my arrival I was asked to remove my trousers and bend over a chair...she examined me very closely and said.."I can't do anything about your piles..but I can see you're going on a long journey... ;D :) :) 

[windy miller]

My eldest daughter phoned me last night to tell me my (Ex) Wife had been in a serious accident, and gave me the hospital contact details. Naturally very concerned, I rang the hospital this afternoon and asked a Doctor for news of her condition. He said.."I'm afraid she has a split from her Anus to her Navel.".I said..I know that...but is she hurt? ;) ;D ;D

[windy miller]

When I heard My neighbour had sadly lost both of his previous wives, I asked him how his first wife died. He said.. "She died from eating poisoned Mushrooms"...I then asked him how his second wife had died he said.. 'She died from a fractured skull... I said 'a fractured skull??..how did that happen???.. he said " She wouldn't eat the f...in Mushrooms! :o :o :o ;D

[windy miller]

Our annual parachute regiment reunion in hereford was well attended again this year.
As a group of us shared our early experiences, a slightly 'efeminate' guy,(a rear gunner?) :o or an 'uphill gardener' as I call them, began to relate his first plane 'exit'. Apparently, as he was very reluctant to jump the despatcher unbuttoned his trousers to reveal a large penis. He said.."If you don't jump I will push this so far up your A*se your throat hurts!
Naturally My Question was.. "Did you jump??? he said.. 'Only a little bit'!  ;D ;D :)

[windy miller]

Some months ago, the bloke a few doors away suddenly 'snapped' and murdered his wife with a Hammer.The express reporter was here in no time.When he asked if this came as a surprise I said.."its more than a surprise...its sick! The reporter said..'Why is that?...I told him I had known the bloke for over 40 years,..and everytime I asked to borrow a Hammer..he said he hadn't got one!!... >:( >:( :) :)