Avin a larf

[Rob H]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he saw a Zebra Crossing

[NXWM Spectra]

What did the chav want for his birthday?
A safe!

What did he want it for?
To get innit!

[windy miller]

M/t

[windy miller]

My neighbour was telling me he had bought one of those 'blow-up'dolls recently..he said his wife isn't a turn-on anymore. I assured him she WAS....but stopped short of telling him his bedroom wallpaper was rubbish.. ;) ;) ;) 8) He said he took this 'doll' back to the shop the next day. He explained to the assistant that the shop had sold him a 'bloke',and pointed to what appeared to be a todger." so whats that then? he asked.. The assistant said " Youv'e got it inside out you D**k head ::) ::) :) :)

[Tomjusttom]

Found on a complaint at work

" I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen."

Need I say more

[windy miller]

Back in my chauffeuring days I was asked to collect a big mouth New yorker from B'ham Airport.When he saw the NEC complex he asked "How long did that take to build..I said "about 2 years". He replied .."back in the states we would have built that in three weeks!"
I thought.. Yeah..right....On our way across central birmingham He saw the New Bull Ring complex and asked me the same question..How long did that take to build?.."NO IDEA"
I said... It wasn't there  tuesday.. ;) ;) :) :)

[windy miller]

Dear Mr Miller. In response to your enquiry regarding the anatomic weight of human genitals
we can tell you that our biology dept have been able to determine the avge weight of the human penis at 6.5oz. Unfortunately they have not been able to ascertain the weight of a ***t
If you would be kind enough to pop yourself on the scales at your convenience and get back to them they would appreciate it. Many thanks. Regards:
                                                              I.M Alam B.A.A (hons)
,                                                       UCE. Birmingham :) :) :) 8)

[windy miller]

Young jenny is home from school after her weekly sex education class. "What did you learn today darling?..said her mother...Oh err.. Adult mutual Masturbation technique..said jenny.
Goodness! said her mother,"Thats a mouthfull isn't it!.. No said jenny, thats a blowjob! :o :) :)

[windy miller]

As reported in the express newspaper this evening a wolverhampton man was in hospital for  an operation to remove a mole from his penis. A hospital spokesperson said that the operation was a private matter between the patient and the RSPCA and were unable to comment at the present time........ :o :o :o ;D :)

[windy miller]

Car drivers should be aware of a stolen wallet scam operating in south Birmingham.You may be approached by A trio of attractive young eastern european women in Kings Heath who offer to wash your car in return for a lift to a local supermarket.The first woman will wash your car, the second will give you the best oral sex you have ever had in your life, and the third will nick your wallet when you close your eyes. :) I have had 4 wallets stolen this week already and I propose to inform the police the first week in December 8) 8) :) :) :)

[windy miller]

Fred West's Son, Adam, was attending a maths lesson at his school in Gloucester. His maths teacher asked the question..'How many feet are there in the yard??...."Eleven so far,.. said Adam, but we'll keep digging.... :o ;D :o ;D

[4006]

Retired Sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to the docks once more for 'old times sake' He hires a prostitute and takes her to a room. He's going at it best he can for a guy his age, the old sailor asks 'how am I doing?' the prostitute replies 'well Sailor your doing about 3 knots' '3 knots' he replies 'what's that supposed to mean?' She says 'Your knot hard, your knot in and your knot gettin' your Fu***n money back!'

[windy miller]

4006 I love that....I heard an old sailor in a similar position had agreed to pay a german prostitute in Hamburg after his 'session' as he may want a few 'extra's......as he was about to leave the prostitute said..."What about the Marks...?... 10 out of 10! said the sailor...then p'ssd off!..... :o 8) :)

[windy miller]

Another sailor had no problem finding a willing prostitute in the portsmouth red-light district.
"I must warn you, said the sailor.."I am a bit kinky!.....No worries.!.said the woman. After a few minutes the sailor turns out the light and retires to the corner of the room in the dark....
he returns a short time later to resume his position on the nest. "Your'e a strange one!..said the woman, "I thought you said you were kinky?.."I AM!...said the sailor, "Iv'e just sh*t in your handbag..... :o 8) :)

[windy miller]

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