Avin a larf

[windy miller]

When my ADR licence was due for renewal, apart from the Re test, it was company policy to arrange a medical exam. Although not a necessary Req by law, it was a company policy to comply with insurance. I could either choose an on site medic (or alternativly) my own GP .On one occasion this 'Medic' gave me the bad news-"I'm afraid Mr Miller-you will have to stop Masturbating!-I said "Why?- he said "Because I'm trying to examine you thats why! :o :)

[Isle of Stroma]

The Film test.

The accuracy of this test is amazing, it correctly predicted mine as "Star Wars". Be honest, don't look at the Film list until you have done the maths.

Try this test and see if it predicts what Film is your favourite. This amazing test can predict which out of 20 films you enjoy the most!

Here's how:

Choose your favourite whole number, between 1-9.

Then multiply it by 3.

Add 3.

Multiply by 3 again.

Now, add the two digits together to find your favourite Film likely to enjoy from the list of 18 movies below.


Film List:
1. Gone With The Wind
2. E.T.
3. Beverly Hills Cop
4. Star Wars
5. Forrest Gump
6. The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly
7. Jaws
8. Grease
9. The Joy of Anal Sex With Goats
10. Casablanca
11. Jurassic Park
12. Shrek
13. Pirates of the Caribbean
14. Titanic
15. Raiders Of The Lost Ark
16. Home Alone
17. Mrs. Doubtfire
18. Toy Story
19. Alien
20. Rambo

How did you get on?

[MW]

The Film test.

The accuracy of this test is amazing, it correctly predicted mine as "Star Wars". Be honest, don't look at the Film list until you have done the maths.

Try this test and see if it predicts what Film is your favourite. This amazing test can predict which out of 20 films you enjoy the most!

Here's how:

Choose your favourite whole number, between 1-9.

Then multiply it by 3.

Add 3.

Multiply by 3 again.

Now, add the two digits together to find your favourite Film likely to enjoy from the list of 18 movies below.


Film List:
1. Gone With The Wind
2. E.T.
3. Beverly Hills Cop
4. Star Wars
5. Forrest Gump
6. The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly
7. Jaws
8. Grease
9. The Joy of Anal Sex With Goats
10. Casablanca
11. Jurassic Park
12. Shrek
13. Pirates of the Caribbean
14. Titanic
15. Raiders Of The Lost Ark
16. Home Alone
17. Mrs. Doubtfire
18. Toy Story
19. Alien
20. Rambo

How did you get on?

Yours isn't Star Wars :)

You'll always get 9 because you have to times by 3, then times 3 again. Every number you get will be divisible by 9 :D

[windy miller]

Its WW1 and paddy is in the trenches on the somme. His C/o has news that an important message is soon to arrive by carrier pigeon. true enough,the pigeon arrives but falls short by 20 yards due to exhaustion. Paddy is persuaded to volunteer to retrieve the message. On his way out he is shot in the arm by one of his own side, on his return he is shot in the leg by the enemy.Collapsed on the barbed wire,he crawls home in the mud. His C/o asks-"What was the message?? err-"Krooc-coo- coo" said paddy... ::) :) :)

[matt904102]

On our touring holiday in Delhi we attempted to board a local bus which was already full. although there were another 3 people on the roof and another 6 on the back end we thought there must be room for another 2. The driver,(in his best English) said " you can't get on-I'm
RAM Jammfhul". to which my mrs Replied (in her best Indian) "We don't realy need to know your Name- we just want to get on the bus.

very good!!!

[windy miller]

I remember taking a group of Aston villa supporters to a local derby match at St andrews. As I parked up and set off for a coffee, a young blues fan, (who assumed I was a villa supporter) approached me and offered to 'Mind' my mini bus for me. I said- "there's no need-I have a rotweiller in the back" He said- yeah? "Puts fires out does he?? ::) :)

[4006]

In a previous (undisclosed) job I had there was the regular Doughnut (nice bloke though he was) regularly on planet 'Wolves will win the Premier one day' who had come into the office to collect his bus (it was a manual mini-bus) well 10 minutes later he returned to the office and said to me 'It won't start, it won't bloody move something wrong again!. I went to the yard to assist, entered the vehicle 'TOOK IT OUT OF GEAR' and started it first time!!! I ask ya I did mention that this was the first thing he should check before even attempting to start a vehicle...
Same Doughnut a few weeks later came to collect a vehicle that had just been jet washed in the yard, engine running, ready to go, he pulled up went into the office to collect the paperwork (and keys usually??) came up to me as I was standing by his running vehicle and said 'have you got the keys?' well 5 mins later when I managed to stop laughing and get up off the floor said 'Have you checked in the office?' The plank went back into the office to check for the keys and the bus was still in the yard running with the keys in it! When he returned he said 'the office say you have the keys' I said 'is it that bus there with the engine running?'.....didn't even break a grin just got in the bus and went on his way lol

[Badger]

I sat on a 3 the other day, a girl got dragged back by the driver to pay, and on her way back to her seat exclaimed to her friend "second time I've had to pay bloody bus fare." I found it quite an amusing thing to say (and disgusting of course!)

[4006]

Probably had more kids or been to Court more times than payed the fare lol!

[windy miller]

When we were on a self catering holiday in helston I thought the place needed a bit of TLC and went out to buy some flowers.from a local shop. When I asked for flowers the assistant replied " this isn't a flower shop-wer'e a circumcision clinic"- when I told her they had flowers in the window she said 'What would you expect us to put in there..... :) :)

[matt904102]

I was once handed a 257 in Dudley and the driver said that the old lady sat at the front had got on in Stourbridge and asked to be put off at Wordsley hospital. He however had forgotten to do this. So taking the bus over I said that I would make sure that she got off at Wordsley Hospital. And then I forgot about her also, and so 2 hours later she arrived back where had started from. Sorry!

[Discodave]

I was once handed a 257 in Dudley and the driver said that the old lady sat at the front had got on in Stourbridge and asked to be put off at Wordsley hospital. He however had forgotten to do this. So taking the bus over I said that I would make sure that she got off at Wordsley Hospital. And then I forgot about her also, and so 2 hours later she arrived back where had started from. Sorry!

Done worse than that took over a 62 to Lichfield a person had got on in hednesford and was told by the previous driver they wanted chase terrace and had got on the wrong direction 62 When I got to Walsall on the 61 (interworked) I was asked if I was there yet by the passenger whoops had gone through chase terrace 2 times as well thankfully a helpful 395 driver took them back for free.

[windy miller]

empty

[Discodave]

would get rid of the piles lol ;D

[windy miller]

The aggro associated with doorstep selling is something many tourists in spain have to contend with but not always in your favour-when we were on a short self catering holiday in Spain a few years ago my wife had prepared a sunday lunch but realised she had not brought any gravy. I suggested she could ask the (English) couple in the next chalet. After Knocking their door several times an irritated gentleman appeared and my wife asked (In her broad Lancashire accent) "Asstha gotbisto?? to which this bloke replied **** off you Spanish **** and shut the door.... :o :o :) :)