Avin a larf

Liverpool Street · August 23, 2013, 09:47:15 PM

Quote from: windy miller on August 23, 2013, 03:11:29 PM
Why not post some of your own?....

OK...

Here's a joke...

National Express West Midlands.

Heh.

Mike K · August 23, 2013, 10:12:30 PM

I'm sick to death of people knocking on my door asking for donations. Just had one woman from the sperm bank, bloody hell, did I give her a mouthful.

Mike K · August 23, 2013, 10:14:56 PM

I asked 100 women at the leisure centre what shampoo they used whilst showering.
95% replied, "what the **** are you doing in here"?

Sayeed · August 23, 2013, 10:30:37 PM

Quote from: Mike K on August 23, 2013, 10:12:30 PM
I'm sick to death of people knocking on my door asking for donations. Just had one woman from the sperm bank, bloody hell, did I give her a mouthful.

trident4370 · August 23, 2013, 10:46:45 PM

I was watching Jeremy Kyle this morning.

The best bit was when he said, "Who are you and what are you doing in my house?"

windy miller · August 24, 2013, 01:39:29 AM

Two gentlemen were due to make a sperm donation today, unfortunately one missed the tube and the other came on the bus.... :)

Mike K · August 24, 2013, 08:06:02 AM

My wife told me to get our ginger son ready for his 1st day at school.
So I punched him in the face & stole his dinner money.

Mike K · August 24, 2013, 08:08:05 AM

Went out last Friday and got pissed out of my mind. I woke up next to this sweaty bird, who was snoring, grunting and farting. I thought "thank **** for that, at least I made it home"!

the trainbasher · August 24, 2013, 11:09:39 PM

It's a shame bus drivers don't have to give that little speech at the beginning of journeys like pilots do.

"Good morning, my name is Bill and I am our driver today. The weather is shit and I hate you all. Enjoy your commute."

the trainbasher · August 24, 2013, 11:14:13 PM

Saw a sign on the bus the other day. It said "Take the kids out for £1".

If you know of a cheaper hitman, let me know.

the trainbasher · August 24, 2013, 11:16:44 PM

My son was quite disappointed when he opened his birthday present to find he didnt get his toy train that he asked me for.

Ungreatful sod didnt like the toy replacement bus service I got him instead.

the trainbasher · August 24, 2013, 11:18:50 PM

I was driving down a main road this morning when I noticed a car pulled in with the hazards on and bonnet up.

I pulled in to help and we both poked around the engine for 20 minutes or so, but couldn't figure out what was wrong, so we called the AA.
Traffic was heavy so I hung on with him as I was delayed already and may as well wait till it eased up.

AA arrived and we got it sorted, but some shower of cunts harassed us the whole time, banging on their windows, 'you cunts', 'get a fuckin move on you Pricks', it was disgraceful.

Anyway, I said my goodbyes to the chap and got back on my bus and off I went.

the trainbasher · August 24, 2013, 11:22:16 PM

At the bus stop this morning I saw a gentleman getting more and more agitated the later his bus was. He tutted, started checking his watch and grumbled under his breath. I began to wonder how angry he'd be at the driver when two of the same bus came along at once.

He went off on one.

the trainbasher · August 31, 2013, 01:38:06 AM

A cop pulls up two Irish drunks, and says to the first,
"What's your name and address?"
"I'm Paddy O'Day, of no fixed address."
The cop turns to the second drunk, and asks the same question.
"I'm Seamus O'Toole, and I live in the flat above Paddy."

the trainbasher · August 31, 2013, 01:41:53 AM

President Hollande of France has said that the vote by the UK Parliament would not affect France's will to act.

I'm sure the French are quite capable of surrendering without our help.

News:

Avin a larf

trident4370