Avin a larf

[windy miller]

My daughter and her son returned from a memorable day in 
london yesterday obviously both very tired. My grandson posed me a question.." grandad.... whats Long, Black and Shuffles?... my first thought? maybe the Queue of Coal miners waiting to piss on Mrs thatchers grave? .or the queue for the dole office in Notting Hill perhaps?... Apparently not....
it was the memorial Queue on the Embankment!.and they were there!..ER  RIP

[windy miller]

   Apparently Prince Andrew was told NOT to wear his military medals
   at his mothers funeral... Although a track suit and a 'fix it' badge would
    have been more acceptable on the day......     

[windy miller]

   My Mrs Suggested we try using make up to improve our sex life?
   Good Idea!.....I stuck her lipstick up my arse and had a good wank
   while she was out....

[windy miller]

Some bad driving habits never die....I had a lorry driver right up my arse
 yesterday.........  although it was decent of him to give me a lift,....

[windy miller]

 When I was six years old my mother asked me what I wanted to do when
  I grew up?.... I told her I wanted to be shot into space.... she said
  " if your father had pulled out ...you would have been.....

[windy miller]

  I heard jimmy saville managed to curb his alcohol addiction...
   before his death he was down to two tots a week......
  His grave has also been replaced by a small hole and a little bush...
   a family spokeperson said today.. "its what he would have wanted..."

[windy miller]

Several years ago my Mrs was aware of her fathers failing eyesight.
With little improvement in 2017 I took them to the eye hospital for advice.
Following an assesment by a senior physician we were told that although
corrective surgery would be beneficial there were no appointments available for at least 3 weeks. In addition,all ops were determined in terms of their urgency.
When my Mrs said (Quote)" He keeps telling me I'm beautifull"....The Physician
looked at my Mrs.... " Would 9.30am tomorrow suit you?? 
 

[windy miller]

 When a Falklands war officer suffered serious head injuries he lost both his
 balance and his right Ear. After his initial surgery he was later offered pioneering
 reconstructive technology with a prosthesis developed from a Pigs ear.   
 After a successful operation he was approached by a medical journalist
 and asked for his approval. The guy replied " My Hearing and reception would
 have been 100% had it not been for the Crackling on one side"....... 
  

[Ginger66]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

[Ginger66]

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.

"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."

The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.

"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.

"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"

"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"

[Ginger66]

I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine who was run over and is currently in hospital. The wheels on the bus go round and round 

[windy miller]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

Posted before I think some time ago

[windy miller]

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.

"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."

The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.

"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.

"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"

"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.

"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."

The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.

"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.

"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"

"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"   This was one of Bernard manning best joke lines told at a police ball 

[windy miller]

When a Falklands war officer suffered serious head injuries he lost both his
 balance and his right Ear. After his initial surgery he was later offered pioneering
 reconstructive technology with a prosthesis developed from a Pigs ear. 
 After a successful operation he was approached by a medical journalist
 and asked for his approval. The guy replied " My Hearing and reception would
 have been 100% had it not been for the Crackling on one side".......
 

When my father flew over France in the war his co pilot caught a bullet in the face and he lost his tongue,, my father said he never talked about it............

[windy miller]

I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine who was run over and is currently in hospital. The wheels on the bus go round and round

A music teacher got the sack for teaching a similar version...... the  Mus***s on the bus
   go bang bang bang was considered inappropriate..........