Avin a larf

[windy miller]

I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine who was run over and is currently in hospital. The wheels on the bus go round and round

A friend of mine got hit by a bus and spent 3 weeks in hospital in a neck brace...
 My hospital radio music choice...♫ Looking back...♫ over my shoulder ♫..  maybe wasn't the best choice.....

[windy miller]

I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine who was run over and is currently in hospital. The wheels on the bus go round and round

My local VD germ got run over by a bus too.... as he rightly said before he died...
   " I'm a goner here...."

[windy miller]

   On my last visit to my local Greek restaurant I asked how long it would take
   to cook my favourite kalimari. (Octopus) ? the waiter replied  " About 3 Hours.... 
   surprised, I asked him why it took so long?.." to make sure they are fresh
   we need to cook them while they are still alive"... Unfortunately they keep
   turning the f*** ing gas off  when we are not looking..... 
  

[windy miller]

A Distraught  B.A  Air stewardess reported that the pilot had died and she had no idea
how to land the plane...The Tower advised her to stay calm and answer the following
questions... " What is your height and position?..asked the tower.. The stewardess
replied.." I'm 5'4" and I'm sitting down" ..after a short pause the controller said
repeat after me...."Our Father which art in He......

[windy miller]

 On my visit to Northern Ireland I asked the meaning of their Single yellow line in the   street? " That's No parking at all ".. the officer replied.....   .. What about
 the Double Yellow line? I asked... Arh! he said. "Thats No Parhkin ATall Atall...

[windy miller]

 Some time ago In a conversation with an american guy He asked me 
 why Avanti Rail had issues with profitability ? In an effort to explain
 I told him that due to the extensive network of HS 2 Engineering work
 the UK HSE ( health and safety) has issued a directive that ALL trains
 were to be fronted by a Guy on foot with a red lamp. To avoid fatigue
 the Guy is replaced by another guy from the train every mile. 
 Unfortunately on a service to Glasgow the 400 guys required would
 occupy the train and leave no room for passengers   and subsequent
  loss of profits...   Never saw him again.....

[windy miller]

   Not sure about some of these guys on strike... As I said to a guy on the picket line.last Tuesday...   " I see the Daffodils are out..... " Is that official or unofficial? he replied... ... .
.

[windy miller]

A friend of mine got hit by a bus and spent 3 weeks in hospital in a neck brace...
 My hospital radio music choice...♫ Looking back...♫ over my shoulder ♫..  maybe wasn't the best choice.....

When a friend of mine managed to get a spiderman figure wedged up his arse he claimed it was an accident..Yeah..as IF... as he lay in his hospital bed waiting for surgery I arranged for a music track for him on the hospital radio..♫... Gotta search for the ♫ Hero insida me♫♫

[windy miller]

Had the sister in law round today ...usual drivel with my Mrs over the dinner table.....
 she asked my Mrs if she has any hygiene issues with our 8 yr old Yorkie  sharing the
 bed with us every night??...My Mrs said " You get used to the stray hairs, Bad breath
 Body odor and stinking farts...       but Iv'e had to put up with it for 37 years ..!
 its never bothered the dog.....    Cheeky git.. .Needless to say I gave my repost!,
I told her my Mrs realy knows how to brighten up a room!..usually by moving away
 from the window!!!.. . Her Atkins diet starts on Tuesday...ha

[windy miller]

  So all of these Bus Tracker devices are accurate then???  It looks like the 21 service
 (Coventry) has been re numbered 997?... Working with EO 58 on Saturday with another
 'Ghost bus' .(.6812) right behind it ..no doubt Driven by an  InsSPECTRE 
 I expect as a 'ghost' bus maybe the driver was running out of whoooos  ?

[windy miller]

In my late teens I would have several chat up lines....all of which were fairly
common... like "did you hurt yourself when you fell from heaven???? etc
On one date with an attractive blonde she seemed to be more interested in my 
all singin..all dancin multi function watch with buttons everywhere.. I took it off and held it towards her.."My watch can tell me everything about you! I said.. "Its telling me you are not wearing any Knickers!." Your watch is wrong she replied...I AM wearing Knickers! " Strange.. I said...Its usually very accur...AH!..I said after a closer look."my watch is an Hour FAST...

[windy miller]

   I took my granddaughter to Dudley zoo last year.. we saw a baguette in a cage...
   apparently it was bread in captivity.....  

[windy miller]

   During our 'lock down' and when my Mrs was visiting 'Aunt Irma'
  and  away for a day or two... I took the opportunity to bang My neighbors Mrs ! On our new bed too!.. Now the Memory Foam mattress is trying to blackmail me!!

[windy miller]

 Back in the mid sixties on a formal state visit to Belgium Our dear Queen Elizabeth II was being carried in a Horse drawn  Landau through the streets of Brussels accompanied by the then Belgian King...  after several minutes one of the horses let out an horrendous fart which was clearly audible to everyone. The Belgian King quickly apologized to her Maj....
  the Queen immediately replied .." Its no problem!... I thought it was the Horse!



 

[windy miller]

  There was a time when I dropped something on the floor I would have no hesitation
  to bend down and pick it up..... these days if I drop something on the floor I tend to stand and look at it for a few minutes... then decide whether I really need it anymore...its
  called old age.....