Avin a larf

[windy miller]

 When Wayne Rooney sat on his favourite horse at Aintree last year, the
  horse was unexpectedly 'spooked' and set off at speed. Unable to control
  the horse he was unseated and fell off.With one leg caught in the saddle
and the other leg on the floor,He desperately  hung on for his life.
  Fortunately After a few minutes Colleen had finished her shopping
   and was able to turn it off........ :) :) :)
     

[windy miller]

 As a fit guy in my early thirties I found short term employment as an
  usher at Leeds crown court. It never ceased to amaze me the eclectic mix
  of low life in the dock. On one occasion, after his 'summing up' the judge
  asked the defendant.."do you have anything to say before I pass sentence?
   in reply the guy said' "F*ck all!".Unfortunately with his hearing impaired
   the judge turned to the clerk of the court.." What did he say?..he asked.
   " He said Fuck All your honour... mm..strange! said the judge.." I could
    have sworn he said something"...... :)

[windy miller]

   The last time I saw my GP he told me I had a bad case of Alice.
   Alice?..." Whats that?..I asked..   The Doc said he was not sure but
    Christopher Robin went down with it ...
   .. I need to buy more expensive crackers..  :).    Merry Christmas

[windy miller]

 When the 'Scotsman' pulled out of Paddington back in 2019.........
Paddington rolled on his side and enjoyed a post coital Marmalade Sandwich...
........ :o :o

[windy miller]

When an elderly beggar knocked on my door last year we didn't hear him.
  undaunted he tried his luck at our back door instead.....
  'got any cake?..said this scruffy bastard.. " Cake?..I said.. "Who are you?
   " I'm an old war veteran on hard times..he replied.
     mmm ..An old soldier Eh?... Were you at the Front???  I asked
   "Yes! he said.  .but I couldn't get an answer.... >:( >:( >:(

[windy miller]

  ...   " I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat.

                              Winston Churchill   1940

                " When things go right, (or so they say)
                  Life is just a song.....
                  But a mans worth while
                  if he can smile
                  When everything's gone f'n wrong......
                     
                                  Adolf Hitler  1945


                                                 

[windy miller]

 My Mrs had known Mr Ali for many years and often bought groceries from
  his (Asian) corner shop. News of his recent death came as a surprise.
  apparently on his arrival at heavens gate he was told by the gate keeper
  that heaven is reserved for Christians only...Mr Ali replied.."I gave £2000
  to christian aid week on Monday!!...Peter set off to check with the 'boss'.
  he returned a short time later with good news..." Boss said 'give him
   his 2 grand back and tell him to fuck off.... >:( >:(

[windy miller]

  I notice several song titles and/or lyrics have been altered to reflect
   the current covid crisis... (Abba)...Testing me Testing you...
      .... Inoculations ..and Jubilation's..I want the world to Know I'm
    Happy covid free... (Cliff R) ... Or maybe.. I get Lockdown  but I
     get up again...(.?)

[windy miller]

    All this con flab between messrs Sturgeon and salmon'd...
   sounds a bit fishy if you ask me....... :)

[windy miller]

 

  The family of the late Jimmy saville have reduced the size of his grave
   he now has a small hole with a little bush.....a Spokesman said today...
     "Its what he would have wanted...... :o.

[windy miller]

 
I was asked if I know any french phrases?... I said I only know two....
     .....".Thats never happened to me before....and "is it in yet? :)

[windy miller]

 I do wish my local dog walkers would pick up their dog shit in the park!
... Its not always convenient to carry a golf club around with me! :)

[windy miller]

  When I last went to see my GP I told him I had developed an identity
  crisis..... One minute I think I'm a Tee-pee and the next minute I
  think I'm a wigwam???... The doc said  "you are too tense" :) 

[windy miller]

  When we had a (polish) store man at Longbridge  we called him 'jigsaw'....
   as every time he had a crisis ...he just went to pieces...  :) :) :)

[windy miller]

   Our poodle died of old age recently...my Mrs was obviously upset and I
   tried to console her.... I promised to buy her another one exactly the same.
   why ? she said sobbing.... Why would I want TWO dead dogs???..  ??? ???