Avin a larf

[windy miller]

    We have been regular visitors to Spain in the past.and often took full
   advantage of duty free's. My Neighbour asked me to bring him back 400
   Fags....When we got home he said...
     'How much do I owe you? I said £250.  He said'£250!... Where did
      you go?...I said   Torquay' ;D

[windy miller]

 When I bought my Mrs her first car (A Fiesta) I explained to her everything she needed to do to keep the car topped up, like checking the Fluid levels etc.
  When the car didn't start one morning she asked me Why?... I said.." Shit
   in the carburettor".."oh she said..." How often Do I have to do that??? :'(

[windy miller]

 In line with current covid restrictions a welsh Supermarket has refused
  to sell a sanitary product from their non essential Aisle!... which is very
   unfair..As Jamrags are usually available in the Robertson's Aisle   :)

[windy miller]

Many years ago my Mrs signed up for this organ donor scheme...when she
  later had cosmetic surgery to remove her excess labia, (fanny flaps)..
   she was surprised to get a letter from a young teenager in Barnsley
    Thanking her for his new Ears....... :o

[windy miller]

  I reckon this conservative cabinet is much like a bunch of banana's..
   .... not a straight one between them   >:(

[windy miller]

I heard the Labour leader, Keir starmer was involved in a minor traffic
accident in the city recently. Following his collision with a delivery cyclist
(who sustained damage to his Ribs *) Starmers entire political career passed
before his eyes. Probably the worst 2 minutes in Labour history. :)

  * The rest of the order was undamaged :)

[windy miller]

   Due to covid restrictions my mate sat patiently in an adjacent Hospital room
   while his Mrs was in labour . when the Midwife entered the room to
  congratulate him on being the proud father of three boys!.... well! he said,
   Comes of having a dick like a chimney! :)  mmm..... the Mid wife replied..
   maybe you should get it swept!... the kids are all BLACK :o
     

[windy miller]

   On my bus ride yesterday I Overheard two young girls in conversational
   'Brummy'... (quote).. "wimgorrah be nice to ashia az ersavin her d'wally
       .good to see our 'brummy' accent is not lost in 2020........ :o

[windy miller]

 My Mate bought some West Bromwich Albion wallpaper from the club shop
   recently I asked him if it was any good?..He said " it goes UP well enough
     but it doesn't STAY up ...cant think why?..  Nothing new there then :-\ 

[windy miller]

   Our local Chemist shop was burgled recently the Burglar took everything
   except Brylcream and condoms.    The police are looking for a catholic
   with a bald head........ :)

[windy miller]

  My Mrs was told not to feed the seagulls on Brighton beach? Apparently
  breast feeding is not a good idea as they get complaints... :).
  The beach attendant asked her to move off the beach as the tide was waiting
   to come in....fat arse git...... >:(

[windy miller]

  My mate and I spent part of our gap year in Nairobi.On one occasion we sat
    down for an outdoor snack and spent some time trying to figure out
    how to order a club sandwich in Africaan :)..Fortunately the waiter spoke
    good English and claimed that he could provide us with any sandwich filler
    of our choice. My Mate asked for an elephant foreskin on white bread!!...
    The waiter returned after 5 minutes empty handed. " Ha.Ha .." NO
    Elephant foreskins then? said my mate .  The waiter replied   "No.....
    we Just ran out of white bread.. >:(.

[windy miller]

I was glad to get my 'foot' up over the weekend!..after a week of
varied luck and misfortune. I had a mail from a TOC telling me my advance
   tickets were non refundable, (bad news)..I sent a stinker to their CEO
  and asked my bank to authorise a 'charge back' C/o Visa. Result? a
  travel voucher for the full amount valid for 12 months. (good news) .
I attended my appointment for a flu jab but fell and injured my ankle in
   the car park! (bad news)... As the nurse rolled up my sleeve she said:
   " you might feel a bit of a prick...." I certainly do!..I replied..I get
    an ankle injury and I only came in for a Jab!! >:(   Fortunately just
    a badly bruised Achilles (good news) I just need an eye patch and a parrot ..   sorted :)

[windy miller]

 My Mrs may not have had the biggest minge in the world when we first
   met but she certainly has now! ;)..When she realised she had no money
   to cover her taxi fare, she dropped her drawers, opened her legs and said..
    "can I pay with this?
   ..The taxi bloke replied. ' yes...But do you have anything smaller???

[windy miller]

..When I ran my Mrs to the clinic for a D&C I spoke to her Gynaecologist
   afterwards." Did you see anything unusual"? I asked...'well', He said...
"Lord Lucan riding Shergar was unexpected but apart from that  she was fine" :o