Avin a larf

[windy miller]

 My Mrs has got some dirty habits...Every time I go to piss in the sink its always full of dirty dishes.. >:( >:( :)

[windy miller]

 I suppose you could say our school was posh... On sports day we always had a chauffeurs race.... :)

[windy miller]

My Mrs has always had BIG teeth.. to celebrate our wedding anniversary recently she wanted a Horse drawn carriage but we decided against it so we wouldn't confuse the photographer...  ;) :) :

[windy miller]

IF any of you younger souls out there would like a few 'limericks' (Dom?) I will post a few of my favourites here and take them down again on Sunday night. NB. I will ignore the most common examples!.

There was a young guy from Brighton
who said to his girl.."you've a tight un"
she said "pon my soul!
you're in the wrong hole
there's plenty of room in the right un!

that was a cute little rhyme. Sing us another one do! 


There was a young man from Bude
who 'fingered' his bird while they Queued
A guy up the front
said "I'm sure I smell C***!
out loud.... Just like that!..F'in rude!


There was a young vicar from Dee
who went "back of parish" to pee
He said 'Pax vabiscum!
why doesn't the piss come?
I must have the C.L.A.P


There was a young man from Devizes
who had two balls (different sizes)
although one was small
it was no good at all
but the other one won a few prizes!

When I sat with the duchess for tea
she asked; Do you fart when you pee?
I said 'NO' not a bit
do you belch when you S..t?
I thought that's one up for me!


There was a young man from Devizes
brought up at the local assizes
for teaching young boys
'Matrimonial' joys
and awarding French letters as prizes


When a girl got married in Leicester
her mother she kissed her and blessed her
she said "You're in Luck!
He's a rattling good f***
...I had him myself once.. in Chester!



There was a young man from Nantucket
whose tool was so long he could suck it
he said with a grin
while wiping his chin
"if my EAR was a C*** I could F*** it!



There was a young man from Bengal
who had a 'mathematical' ball
..three times its weight,
plus his tool (minus eight)
equalled twice the square root of F*** all!



There was a young man from Gwent
whose tool was exceedingly bent
to save himself trouble
he put it in double
and instead of coming ...he Went!

There was a young girl from Dee
who went down to the river to pee
a man in a punt
put his hand on her ****
God!..I wish that were me


Up jumped the Indian Mahout
"what's all this blithering about?
I spend my S***K
up an elephants trunk!
(cries of)... Shame!...He's a C***!...Chuck him out!

When the Bermondsey Bricklayers Struck
Bill Wiggins was avin a F***
Now By Union rules
he had to 'Down tools'
Now that was bleedin hard luck!



There was a young girl from Blaina
who was blessed with a giant Vagina
She said.."But of course!
I can take a big Horse..
3 dogs and dirty welsh Miner!


There was a young man from Calcutta
who always slept in the gutter
The rays of the sun burnt the hairs on his bum
and turned his nuts to butter.

There was a young woman from Cape
who was screwed by a barbarian Ape
She said:  "get off you old fool!
you've got a square tool
and you're knocking my C*** out of shape

Up in the belfry the bell ringer stood
Jerkin his dirkin as hard as he could
when down in the vestry the Verger did yell..
Stop jerkin yon Dirkin...and ring Firkin Bell!

there was a young vicar named Bings
who talked about women and things
But his favourite desire
was a boy in the choir
with a bum like a jelly...ON SPRINGS


The girls in our village are Buxom
They lies in the grass and we ***s em
When that's not worthwhile
we sits on the style
and we dangles our dicks and they sucks em!

There was a young man named Dave
Who found an old Whore in a cave
He thought it disgusting...But she only needs dusting....
.....and think of the money He'd save!



There was a young man from Australia
who painted his Ars* like a Dahlia
His 2p a smell
went down rather well
But his 5p a lick was a failure!


There was a young woman from Ealing
who had a peculiar feeling
she lay on her back
and opened her crack
then pi**ed all over the ceiling


There was a young vicar from Birmingham
who 'rogered' young boys whilst confirming 'em
as they Knelt on their sacks
he opened their cracks
and pumped his episcopal sperm in'em..


There was a young man from Troon
who was born 3 months too soon
he hadn't the luck to be born from a F**k
just a wank-off shoved in with a spoon....









a few naval related ditties..........

The Ship cook's name was Maybel
whenever she was able
would give the crew
their daily 'do'
under the chartroom table...

Now along came dirty Dick..
He was the captain of a lugger
but he wasn't fit to shovel S**t
He's a F*****g dirty b****r.....


Her took her on the chartroom floor
his tool was black as charcoal
he screwed her till her tits were blue
and sparks flew out of her AR** hole...


There was a young woman named May
who got screwed on a boat one day
they flexed her vagina
on a slow boat to china
And China's a bleed'in long way!




Little boy kneels at the foot of the bed..
Lily white hands are caressing his head...
OH My!..Couldn't be worse..
Christopher Robin is shagging his nurse...

Little boy kneels at the foot of the stairs
clutched in his hand are a bunch of white hairs
Oh My!. Fancy that
Christopher robin has castrated the cat!

little boy sits on the lavatory pan
gently caressing his little old man
flip-flop into the tank
Christopher robin is avin a w**k



now sing along with me.....

A dirty jockstrap in an empty taxi..
Disgusting noises from a horses jacksie..
Oh how the bed still springs
these wonderful things
remind me of you...


That old park bench we used to have our shags on..
that rusty nail you used to hang your rags on..
Oh how the smell still clings
these wonderful things
remind me of you..


There was a young woman from Looe who was screwed by a vicar in Crewe,
she said to the vicar..'The verger is quicker!
and slicker! and thicker!
and three inches longer than you!



Oscar wilde was a cunning git
he threw the lad a plum
when he bent down to pick it up
he screwed him up the bum......


A boy stood on the burning deck
with a pocketful of crackers
a lighted match fell down his leg
and blew off both his knackers.......


A boy stood on the burning deck
picking his nose like mad
he rolled it up in little balls
and flicked them at his dad......







































yes Leeds and Ealing ...we've all heard those thanks  so don't bother.  :) :) :)

[Liverpool Street]

You're a goodun Miller.

Made me chuckle, these.

I've no jokes worth mentioning.

Keep them coming.

[windy miller]

You're a goodun Miller.

Made me chuckle, these.

I've no jokes worth mentioning.

Keep them coming.




Thanks LS... I've just put another 5 on :) :) :)

[windy miller]

 A woman went to a theatrical agent claiming to be a contortionist ..
The agent said...Really?. " how flexible are you?
The woman replied... "I can't do Tuesdays.... :o :)

[Trident 4194]

A woman went to a theatrical agent claiming to be a contortionist ..
The agent said...Really?. " how flexible are you?
The woman replied... "I can't do Tuesdays.... :o :)

The latest 3 are very funny

[trident4370]

A man goes for an interview as a bus driver.
When he gets there, the interviewer says, "You're 40 minutes late! The job's yours."

[GeminiFan1991]

I could never cheat in a relationship as it would require two people to find me attractive

[LiamthebusGuy]

Q: What's the difference between a 'Hippo' and a 'Zippo'?


A: One's really heavy, the other is a little lighter...

[The Leeds Lad]

If you've never visited Leeds, you won't get this joke.

A brand spanking new First Leeds bus went through Beeston earlier. It was lost for a few days, then exited days later with 3 wheels, 2 windows, 1/4 of the display remaining and the First logo was gratified on to say "Last". ;D

[windy miller]

If you've never visited Leeds, you won't get this joke.

A brand spanking new First Leeds bus went through Beeston earlier. It was lost for a few days, then exited days later with 3 wheels, 2 windows, 1/4 of the display remaining and the First logo was gratified on to say "Last". ;D

Yes I have been to Leeds many times. I go there often to visit my hubcaps >:(..... I know the area well enough. If you see a cat with a tail you know it has to be a tourist... if its on fire just dial 999 and you'll get the Bengal lancers... :)    When I visited a club in cross flats there was so much broken glass on the floor the Alsatian was wearing slippers! :)


If you don't know much about brum you may not understand this common joke...

There was a woman from Neachells who had so much IRON in her blood she would sell her towels to Taroni's... :o :o         I actually met her once...I said " can I smell your Fanny??? she said "Certainly not ..you dirty bas****! I said In that case ..it must be your feet then.. >:(

[Liverpool Street]

Yes I have been to Leeds many times. I go there often to visit my hubcaps >:(...
..

There was a woman from Neachells who had so much IRON in her blood she would sell her towels to Taroni's... :o :o

Hahahaha
Windy, you kill me

[LiamthebusGuy]

A vicar went to an infirm member of his congregation at their home, during the visit he noticed a glass bowl filled with water, floating this bowl was a condom, naturally curious, he asked the lady...

'God bless Edith, but what is this condom doing here?'
to which the lady replies
'You see vicar, when I was out at the newsagent, I found it on the floor. the packet said: 'place on an organ to prevent disease' but you see, I didn't have an organ so I thought the piano would surfice...'


Thank You, Thank You...