Avin a larf

[nitromatt1]

As a bonded courier with a security firm I often had deliveries to some upmarket premises in west london. On one occasion I had called in the gents  and a voice from one of the cubicles said "excuse me...do you have any toilet tissue?.."I'm afraid not! I said. When he asked if I had two 10's for a 20 I thought either this guy's "avin a larf" or I'm in the wrong job!! ;D

He should've asked for 4 fivers!

[the trainbasher]

The small girl was allowed to stay up for the start of her parent's dinner party with her mothers friends and as a treat was given the chance to say Grace.

"But I don't know what to say" she whispered nervously to her mother. Her mother helped her out...."Just say what Daddy said before breakfast this morning. You remember, 'Oh God....."

"Oh yes, I remember now," said the little girl, "Oh God, do we have to have those boring cunts round for dinner tonight?"

[the trainbasher]

I was standing at the train station this morning, and my train turned up on time. Literally to the very second it said on the timetable.

An announcement came over the loudspeaker:

"Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible."

[the trainbasher]

I got on a bus the other day and the driver said to me.

"Going any where nice sir?"

I reply "does it look like it? I'm getting on a fucking bus".

[the trainbasher]

A new survey found that Ryanair is officially the most hated airline in the country.

Ryanair have published an apology to its passengers.

Then they debited them a £60 'Apology Fee'.

[the trainbasher]

I'd just stepped out of my car and a traffic warden started yelling that I couldn't park there.

Or something along those lines.

[the trainbasher]

Trainbasher repl 362 and 377 are the same? ::)   PS  anyone can always erase any (reply) entry if they wish simply by hitting the 'erase' icon   (you must be signed in first of course)

Looks like the jokes on me

[Tony]

A transvestite in a mini skirt, now that shows balls

[Trident 4609]

I see the old BBC TV centre in West london famed for its alleged paedophile activities has been demolished in recent months with the usual children play area/site safety notices ect. Its Ironic that the site is probably a lot safer for children now than it was before they pulled it down! :)

Heard that joke on the Tele on Thursday ;)

[Trident 4609]

JD are selling a Jimmy Saville tracksuit (In memory of the former DJ)- The Top is adult size but you will have to squeeze into the kids bottoms :o :D

[Stu]

An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!"
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old dad explained. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!".
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
"Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her elderly father immediately, and screams at him, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, you hear me?" she yelled as she hung up the phone.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "it's all set. They're both coming for Christmas and paying their own air-fare."

[Stu]

Ian 'H' Watkins is to sue Google after his image appeared alongside stories about the paedophile of the same name - it's not clear how much he is looking to claim, maybe 5-6-7-8 million!   ::)

[Liverpool Street]

Better now you've reworded that one, Windy!!! Very good!

[the trainbasher]

Two Pensnett Mercs drive off a cliff. They met a smokey end!

[Liverpool Street]

Two Pensnett Mercs drive off a cliff. They met a smokey end!

I'm sure that wasn't in bad taste now was it Thomas? Haha