Avin a larf

[uniquicity]

Tell you what the joke is, it's the declining standards of grammar,  spelling and punctuation on this forum... 

[windy miller]

 yam royt our kid....... I heard a girl on the bus yesterday  say......
   wimgorra be nice to ashaa as ers avin er dawally?

[windy miller]

  when my father told me there was no such person as Santa Claus  I was realy dissapointed.... I was so upset I got in my car and went for a drive....

[windy miller]

A young girl got married in Chester
    Her mother she kissed her and blessed her
    She said'  Your'e in luck..!
    He's a rattling good fuck..
    I had him myself once..
    in Leicester!

Sorry I had already written it on page 33  my mistake

[windy miller]

there was a young spinster from crewe
 who got screwed by a vicar from Kew
 she said ' The verger is slicker
 he's thicker (and quicker)
  and 3" longer than you!
 

and another  one ...  if you can think of a (single) syllable town I will try and make up
 a rhyme to match.... no guarantee     but could be fun

[windy miller]

 When my Mrs has a late shift at our local A&E I often create some amusement on a US Social media site based in Mountain view (S. California) with the exception of Racism,antisemitism,
Personal abuse and bad taste The site has very little moderation. Although many contributors
are (predictably) U.S Subscribers the volume of Irrelevant /unanswerable questions offer
 opportunities for a good Wind-up! When I was asked if there are/were any local Bye Laws 
a tourist should be aware of prior to their visit to the UK I explained that there are a number of Minor prohibitions in the south east where the act of ' Looking at someone in a "Funny way"could land you in hot water.  Similarly if you were to visit the fine City of Chester
(in the North West) You may need to watch your 'step' as the lesser known prohibition of
 " walking on the cracks in the Pavement " could land you with a fine.
 In addition it is a well known fact that the UK government has always provided financial
support in favor of London and the South East. Often to the Detriment of the Less prosperous North West where due to lack of financial support many inner city dwellings have no indoor toilet Facilities..As a result your early morning 'walk' could find you being hit by the contents of a family 'slops' bucket thrown from a third floor apartment....( before 10am)
 my advice would be to adopt the (revised) Green cross code..IE Look Right, Look Left. and LOOK UP... (More familiar with the residents of lockerbie) ..or alternatively carry a raised Umbrella...As failure to follow neither option could land you with a sizable Dry cleaning Bill....have a good holiday! you are always welcome in the UK!   
   

[windy miller]

   folk often ask me if I consider myself a lucky person?... I always give the 
  same reply..... " if I was one of Triplets born to Dolly Parton....I guarantee
   I would be the one on the bottle.........

[windy miller]

  our local Turkish hairdresser has gained the nickname  'Jig Saw'  apparently 
  whenever he has a crisis he goes to pieces............

[windy miller]

 As Some of us will remember a few years ago a group of Chinese cockle pickers
  came to grief on southport beach when they were overrun  by the incoming tide
  as the group could not speak any English they asked for advice on the max
  height of the water they could work in..  they were told they were to work up to Knee high... unfortunately when the tide came in too fast Mr Ne Hi was still on the pier
  eating his sandwiches.....and the others all drowned.
 

[windy miller]

 I heard in an effort to improve their recent poor form Birmingham City football club 
  have signed Two Chinese players....'Wei wun wunce' and  'A wun sin'

 I bought some Albion wallpaper last year.. Lets hope it stays up longer than the team

[windy miller]

 I found an old lamp in an antique shop last year. As I started to polish it a genie appeared
  and offered me  one wish.... I had a choice... either a long dick or a long memory....
   ....I cant remember where I bought it........

    

[windy miller]

 My Mrs returned the scarf I bought her for her birthday.;.;  she reckoned it was too tight....

[windy miller]

My mate and his Mrs had never missed a home Villa match for over 10 years.
 sad to relate he lost his Mrs to cancer recently. when he asked me to accompany him
 to the Man U game on Sunday I was glad to accept her ticket but When I suggested there
 must have been another family member who would have appreciated the spare ticket?
 he said...there would have been..... but they'll all be at her funeral on Sunday...... 

 Trooper

[windy miller]

  Many years ago the Handsworth troubles were well documented in the local 
  and national press.  when one evening a guy in his mid twenties met his
  untimely demise in Newtown Row. As a true christian his ascension to heaven was almost
  immediate. On his arrival at heavens gate he was greeted by St Peter who 
  checked his life credentials.  "I see you have led an honest life but you have never
  shown an act of kindness.or bravery?.. said St Peter...The guy was quick to respond 
  and told him that he had witnessed a group of thugs raping a young girl in the park
 much to her obvious distress . he immediately  approached these guys and threatened to inform the police and have them all arrested!...  that was very brave! said St peter.....  " When did this happen? ....   About 5 minutes ago said the guy........