Avin a larf

windy miller · July 06, 2019, 05:03:09 PM

One (painful) memory of my early naval career was the time I developed the worst case of
hemorrhoid's the physician had ever witnessed !... In an effort to cure my 'grapes of wrath' :'(
the Asian GP assured me that the Indian practise of placing a spoonful of tea-leafs in my anus
every night would solve my problem. Needless to say after filling my butt with tea leafs for a week
there was still no improvement. On my return to Portsmouth I sought an alternative remedy
from a local Gypsy. With my arse in the air the woman began a close inspection. After several minutes she gave me her diagnosis. 'I'm very sorry!..she said apologetically, 'I cant help you with your piles...But I can see you are going on a long journey!! :) :) :) :)

windy miller · July 07, 2019, 03:57:30 PM

I heard that if you were born with a 'silver spoon' you are born in aristocracy? Presumably if
you were born with a silver spoon and a lighter you were born in Glasgow? ;)

windy miller · July 10, 2019, 01:12:53 PM

I couldn't stand my Mother in law,(fat git)..When we were on a picnic she got attacked by six blokes
.... My Mrs said 'Are you going to help?? I said ' Nah.....six should be enough.. :).

windy miller · July 15, 2019, 12:37:42 PM

The new Irish legislation on Gay marriage should allow the two (aptly named) Irish 'rear gunners'
Patrick Fitzsmichaels and Michael Fitzpatrick's to be joined in matrimony sometime soon... :) :)

windy miller · July 26, 2019, 01:07:45 PM

A guy came in our local pub recently and placed a small piano on the bar. He then produced a little
man about a foot high from his overcoat who he sat at the piano and began to play some classical
music. Intrigued, the Barman asked the guy where he came from?..." Well! said the guy..."I was in
an antique shop yesterday and I found a dusty old lamp .When I gave it a good rub a Genie
appeared who offered me one wish... Unfortunately I think he may have misheard my request as he
has given me a 12" Pianist :) :) :)

windy miller · July 26, 2019, 01:16:37 PM

Back in my earliest school days my friend came round with a new bike....when I asked him
how he got it he said he met a girl in the woods who put her bike down , took her knickers off,
and told me to take what I wanted!... Good choice! I said..."Her knickers would have been
too big for you! :( :(

windy miller · July 29, 2019, 11:25:31 AM

Way back in the mid 90's A wealthy tight fisted German financier asked his young son
what he wanted for Christmas. His son replied.. I'd like something to play with..and a cowboy outfit.
...his father bought him a pair of shorts with a hole in the pocket ;) ...And British Leyland... :)

windy miller · August 02, 2019, 02:22:48 AM

Conundrum.... whats the difference between an egg, a carpet, and a really good wank? :-\ :-\
Answers on a postcard...........

windy miller · August 14, 2019, 02:14:26 AM

When me and the Mrs visited the UAE last year we noticed a saudi guy on a camel heading for a local market with his wife having to walk behind which was a bit rich...My Mrs asked the guy why HE
was riding the camel while his mrs had to walk?? easy! said the guy.. She hasn't got a f'in camel >:(

Wumpty · September 05, 2019, 09:35:37 AM

Did you hear about the woman who had 5 legs? Her knickers fitted her like a glove!!!

windy miller · September 08, 2019, 02:23:46 AM

Quote from: Wumpty on September 05, 2019, 09:35:37 AM
Did you hear about the woman who had 5 legs? Her knickers fitted her like a glove!!!

When I put my hand up a gypsy's skirt I get my palm read every 28 days.......... ;).........

Wumpty · September 09, 2019, 08:11:56 AM

Quote from: windy miller on September 08, 2019, 02:23:46 AM

When I put my hand up a gypsy's skirt I get my palm read every 28 days.......... ;).........

O. M. G. !!!!!!!

windy miller · September 09, 2019, 08:57:18 PM

....Following MP Amber Rudds resignation over PM Boris Johnson's apparent lack of deal/No deal brexit progress recently, an urgent meeting has been arranged between president Macron and
Noel Edmund's first thing in the morning.... :) :) :) :) you heard it here first.....

windy miller · September 09, 2019, 09:00:47 PM

Quote from: Wumpty on September 09, 2019, 08:11:56 AM
O. M. G. !!!!!!!

You called? :) :) :)

windy miller · September 17, 2019, 05:36:40 PM

As some of you would have heard on the national news recently I have had my 22ct gold Bog
(complete with gold chain and cistern) S-wiped from under my arse, (and behind my back)
while I was reading the Mail and It still hasn't been found. When I enquired if there had been
any news a police spokesperson said.."we've nothing to go on".... Me Neither >:( >:( >:(

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Avin a larf