Avin a larf

[windy miller]

M/t

[Stuharris 6360]

THE PARKING OFFICERS FUNERAL

As the coffin is being lowered into the grave, a voice from inside screams

"I am alive, I am alive"

The vicar smiles, leaning forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters

"to fucking late pal, I've already done the paperwork!!"

[Trident 4609]

The guy who created predictive text has died.

His Funfair is next Monkey.

[GeminiFan1991]

I've just read a report that cardboard packaging made from recycled newsprint can cause cancer. 
I'm really worried now as for many years I've been buying my cigarettes packaged in this stuff. 

[windy miller]

M/t

[windy miller]

  An unfortunate and tragic accident occurred recently at a well known brewery in Burton on Trent when an employee had drowned after falling into a Vat of beer. After her initial distress his wife asked; " did he suffer much?"...to which the doctor replied.." I doubt it!... He got out twice for a piss!... :o :o :o :)   

[windy miller]

    Judge: did you see the defendant touching young children at any time?
      witness:  No sir
    Judge: Did you see the defendant hold his young baby out of a window?
     witness:  No Sir.
    Judge:  Thank you Mr Wonder,  you may step down. :o

[windy miller]

M/T

[windy miller]

M/T

[GeminiFan1991]

I found a hearing aid outside my garden gate.
When I saw my neighbor I asked him "Excuse me sir, is this yours?"
He just blanked me the ignorant git !

[windy miller]

M/t

[windy miller]

 On a company 'bonding' week-end in southern Ireland in the late 70's I had the misfortune to find myself sharing a twin bed room with a junior from our accounts dept.  After an exhausting day the last thing I wanted was the sound of his incessant snoring.  Although I had been warned earlier by an older colleague, (who later asked me if I had any sleep!).. I said 'YES'.. I just gave him a big kiss on both cheeks and said : goodnight darling!. I had no problem after that as This young guy had apparently been awake the entire night watching ME :) :) :)

[windy miller]

..On our recent flight from Heathrow to New York an announcement was made over the P/A system to say that the Pilot had been taken ill and medical assistance would be appreciated.
Fair enough... but when the CO PILOT emerged from the cabin wearing a parachute telling us he was going for help we were a bit apprehensive..... :o :o :o

[windy miller]

The entertainments manager Louis Walsh was recently approached by a young woman with the unusual ability to whistle through her Vagina. After a few bars of the popular 'Mexican whistler' a surprised and delighted Louis immediately phoned Simon C and asked him to listen. At which point the woman then gave a wonderful performance of "if I were a Blackbird I'd....etc....Down the phone line. " What do you make of that?.". Said Louis... "No Idea! said Simon... "sounds like some cu*t whistling .......... :o :) :) :) :)   

[GeminiFan1991]

I heard that colleen Rooney was having some cosmetic surgery on her Ars*hole... ?  Apparently He's having hair transplants....  :o :o :)

Someone should tell him they do faces now !