Avin a larf

[windy miller]

 ....Hi Windy just thought I'd give you a ring to tell you how pleased I am with my new Satnav.... I Typed in the Word 'Twat' just for a laugh 20 mins ago... just to see where it takes me.. I v'e not used one before so I don't know how accurate they ca.. Hang on!!..... put the Kettle on mate!....  I'm outside your house :o 8)

[windy miller]

When I was in Ireland on a short Business/leisure break I took advantage of the hotel golf facility and later sat down for a quiet drink in the clubhouse. Not for long though as a very distraught woman ran in asking for immidiate medical assistance for her sister who she had accidentally hit with an Iron club. As a certificated first-aider My first question was "Where has she been hit?" the woman replied -'between the first and second hole....  :) I said 'Doesnt leave much room for a plaster then does it? ;) :) 8)

[4006]

I can remember my 18th birthday and being all excited. My dad filled my bedroom with large boxes I opened them all and said to my dad 'how come the're all emply? my dad replied 'I know son, now pack ya things and F*** off!

[windy miller]

Some years ago I was given a free ticket for an ashes cricket match third day at Lords which featured Englands Ian botham. However, in his second innings he was suprisingly given out LBW by the umpire without scoring. His disapproval with the decision soon became evident when he slammed his bat to the ground..Storms across the pitch.. lifts this guy by the lapels of his white coat and said "That was never LBW!..You want to get some F....n glasses mate!!.. to which the guy replied 'Why are you tt-tellin  mm-e for... I'm sss-ellin hot dogs.... :)

[windy miller]

when riley and murphy arrived at the olympic venue in london today driving a converted optare solo the vehicle was found to be carrying a large quantity of nails and 200 yds of wire netting......they were only allowed entry after they claimed to be the Irish fencing team... :) :)

[matt904102]

I can remember my 18th birthday and being all excited. My dad filled my bedroom with large boxes I opened them all and said to my dad 'how come the're all emply? my dad replied 'I know son, now pack ya things and F*** off!

Very Good!

[4006]

My wife is suffering from depression. She phoned me the other day and said "I feel like jumping in front of a bus and you're not doing anything to help." So I gave her a timetable  :-[ OOps!

[windy miller]

Did'nt understand a word of that.. :) best give you the latest olympic news.... The German athletics team flight is currently on its way from Stuttgart.. (eta 1 Hr),-  The Swedish athletics team flight is currently on its way from Stockholm..(eta 1Hr 15 mins),- and the Indian athletics team Blue Diamond bus is currently on its way from Wolverhampton eta.1-2 days :)

[PM]

Did'nt understand a word of that.. :) best give you the latest olympic news.... The German athletics team flight is currently on its way from Stuttgart.. (eta 1 Hr),-  The Swedish athletics team flight is currently on its way from Stockholm..(eta 1Hr 15 mins),- and the Indian athletics team Blue Diamond bus is currently on its way from Wolverhampton eta.1-2 days :)

haha ;D  ;D

[Discodave]

if the bus gets there at all or if the polish driver knows the way

[Discodave]

where do you get these from they are great ;D

[windy miller]

A retired Naturist and his wife were enjoying a short break at a new Naturist Hotel recently opened in Birmingham. At the breakfast table he complimented his wife on her appearance to which she replied-" My Nipples are as hot today as they were 30 years ago!!  He said-'thats cos youv'e got one in your porridge and the other one's in your Tea!! :) ::)

[windy miller]

Back in my transport days,before the advent of the modern ASBO, I would often visit several inner city areas with a bad reputation for anti-social behaviour. Bradford was one of the worst-I reported a cat stuck in a tree in some distress. when I  asked for the fire brigade I  was asked if my call was an emergency? I said well, it could be-This one's on fire!...To be fair, if you were unfortunate enough to be mugged in manningham lane your 999 call would recieve a prompt reply,either from the police or the bengal lancers-whichever came first! :) :)

[Isle of Stroma]

I popped down the local club tonight, where they were holding a raffle. First prize was a season ticket for the Albion.

Second prize was two season tickets, third prize was three season tickets, etc.....  ;)

[windy miller]

Thanks. I bought some West Bromwich Albion wallpaper recently, It goes up ok, but it doesn't STAY UP..  thats the problem........... ;) ;) ;)  :)