Avin a larf

[windy miller]

Did you hear about the woman who had 5 legs? Her knickers fitted her like a glove!!!

Did you hear about the high court judge with no fingers?   ...... Justice thumbs QC

[windy miller]

  Buying an old foreign car?  ..So whats the difference  between a 15yr old LADA and a
    Jehovah's witness?.....  You can Shut the F'in Door on a Jehovah's witness............ >:(

[windy miller]

 In the late sixties my father was an experienced yachtsman. When he entered the annual
single handed yacht race around the isle of wight he was first to the finish line, but
unfortunately  he was disqualified for using two hands........ >:(. 

[windy miller]

  My (then) 9 year old daughter dropped me in it a few years ago...As She asked her
mother one morning.... @ mummy... does our Au pair girl come to pieces??   why No!..she replied.. "Why do you ask?... She said.. I heard daddy telling the man next door he screwed the arse off her last week..... >:( >:(

[windy miller]

 Did you notice Georgia (Toff) on the celebrity chase recently?  The chaser told her she had two chances...SLIM and NONE.. and Slims just F*cked off..  :)  Proved to be so right.. Answered 4 multi choice questions incorrectly... end of...

  I hope she has better luck on the Celebrity Hunted prog on CH4 @9pm tonight...(Sun)

[windy miller]

     ....A guy rang my mobile 2 weeks ago about 4 'o' clock in the afternoon and said... hi mate...  Its Dave.. What do you want me to do with this stuff?... I said what stuff?..
   He said "the old fittings and fixtures, MDF , wiring, studding timber plasterboard..and rubbish?.. I said where from? He said the Camden road shopfitting job. "do you want it? or shall I take it back to the yard??? I thought for a second and I said.."you know where I live. Just dump it on MY drive and I will sort it out later. The guy said. 'OK will do..and rang off. My mate asked me who it was .I said ..No idea!...wrong number :).. But his gaffer will know who he is when he can't park his car on the drive when he gets home :) :).. I guess he will ring the right number in his next job....I just love a good wind up... :) :) :)
 

[windy miller]

   So  ..What did the VD germ say as he was about to be run over by a 16 bus in station st?
       ans......  "I'm a gonner here... :o :o                           i'll get my coat   :)

[windy miller]

They say it comes to one in two of us so no surprise... My GP gave me 10...maybe less...
  I asked him ' 10?..10 what? ..months?.. weeks?..the doc looked at his watch and said
  '  8...7...6...5.. turned out to be a coffee stain on the plate.....  :o

[windy miller]

 I heard that the adult male has 206 bones in their body...?
When my Mrs gets a 'wide on' on a Sunday morning  I make that 207.... ;)

[Busboy105]

I heard that the adult male has 206 bones in their body...?
When my Mrs gets a 'wide on' on a Sunday morning  I make that 207.... ;)

Good one.

[windy miller]

   During my early days in the post office Christmas was always a challenge.
   on many occasions we received letters from children of all ages addressed to 'Santa' 
    North Pole... Most of this mail would find its way to a local toy charity organisation.
   When we received an (unsealed) letter from an 8 year old boy who had (verifiably)
   lost both parents in a recent tragic accident and was asking Santa for a bike. As a good
   Will gesture we made a collection on his behalf and raised £95 which we passed to his
   Carer.The following week we received a letter from the boy thanking Santa for the
   money but had assumed that Santa would have sent £100 and That the thieving
   bastards at the post office had taken £5 for the Stamps!!!....... >:( >:(

[windy miller]

On my visit to the state mental hospital near Carstairs a few years ago (on Business) :) I asked one of the directors what criteria they use to assess potential patients. He said "we fill a bathtub with water and ask the patient to empty it. We offer him/her the option of a tea spoon, a cup, or a bucket.  Oh!..I said., I understand, A normal person would choose the bucket as it holds more water?... No.. he said,  Any normal person would pull the F' ng plug out...... Would you like a bed by the window? :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[ :)

I had thought to mention the fact that at the time there appeared to be
several trustee 'inmates' walking aimlessly around the grounds with no supervision?...
including a half naked guy parading around with his knob in a biscuit tin !!...When
  I queried this with the warden he replied..... We ignore him...  He's F*CKING CRACKERS....!  a lot like the rest I shouldn't wonder.... :) :) :)

[richardjones210368]

Couldnt really find anywhere else to post this but I understand from mates at EY that they are on standby tonight in case FlyBe collapses.

[windy miller]

Couldnt really find anywhere else to post this but I understand from mates at EY that they are on standby tonight in case FlyBe collapses.
[/

quote]  Richard. I think the general question page would have been suitable?
        Flybe are very unlikely to go under as the government have differed a number
    of significant payments. In addition they have agreed to reduce airport taxes
      which has not pleased environmentalists as this may encourage passengers
      to take more flights and increase our carbon footprint.  Not clever

               

[windy miller]

   When my late father had a bad tumble on the slopes the medics smothered his back
    with Vaseline .Unfortunately it didn't do any good..he just went downhill fast... :).

      When I tripped and crashed down the stairs last evening my Mrs thought
      Eastenders had finished early.... >:(